I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
