i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Of course I have a pirate flag
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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