I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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