she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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