Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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