Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Little spoons don't ask big questions
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm too high and old for this...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
