just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
