I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
