Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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