1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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