I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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