we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
