I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
