come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
