38 yer olds are good kisserssss
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
