very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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