I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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