Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
