In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
