Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
