Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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