dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We got so high we made milksteak
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
