I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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