the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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