I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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