I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
