so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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