I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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