Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
