90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
