I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
