I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
