I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
