I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
