yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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