Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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