If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
