Me. At least after what I've been through.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
