He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
