I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
