Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
