So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
