He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
