You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
