so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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