You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
how drunk are you?
Several
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
