I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
