Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
FUCK WHALES
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
