Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
