dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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