If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
