I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
