Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
