My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
