Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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