we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
