my vag is so smooth its legendary
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
