so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
