Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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