i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
thus making me awesome and them whores
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
