oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
