im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
