I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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