I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
