i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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