I just pynch a tree in the face
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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